I come back to this?

13 06 2007

I’m in your environment, killin ur beez


A more lengthy update (including that post about violence and catharsis!) later.


I found a light out of the cave.

9 05 2007

Today in lit class, we were discussing Brave New World, Aldous Huxley’s dystopian novel. We ended up talking about the “system” and how we all buy into it in various ways. It was strange, how everyone in the circle seemed aware of the fact that things are fucked up, but they admitted their complacency. They were okay, comfortable even, with things continuing the way they are; after all, they’re upper-middle class–no worries there. I countered with the fact that they were complacent in their own oppression (oppression of their hopes/dreams/aspiration in this case, not that they’re oppressed by being white or something dumb like that). My teacher mentioned Plato’s allegory of the Cave and explained it to us, but it seemed that my classmates were depressed and cynical about this; one guy said that humanity is hopeless.
I see something different, though: I believe I have escaped from the Cave, and that many others I know, either online (from the blogroll, livejournal, etc), or in real life, have as well. I think there’s hope for humanity; we are curious creatures, and we can make this world a better place. We can reject capitalist notions of “wealth”, and reject white-patriarchal standards of “success”. We can live for art, live for peace, live for love. There are so many strong activists out there that are doing amazing, hard, painful work that aren’t getting recognized because of this prevalence of pragmatism and cynicism.

We are stronger than we think.

You’re what you own.

23 03 2007

I hate this. I hate all this shit that people do to people, like in my last entry, or today when some kid honestly suggested the idea of pay-per-view war in order to make money, or how my school is putting on Peter Pan as a musical and the portrayal of Native Americans in it seems to bother nobody, or how just in general how I have to hide my political beliefs from people because I know no one will agree, or even care. I hate never making connections with people because they’re so damn bigoted I can’t even find any good things about them. I hate being so damn isolated that I sit at home every Friday and Saturday night and read articles about feminism and anti-racism.

I’m lonely.

10 03 2007

oh man, I need to avoid the Bad Place. and by the Bad Place, I mean the livejournal feminist community. seriously, it’s been a racist bonanza over there lately, with all the white wimminz being all “OH MAN THE HIJAB IS SO OPPRESSIVE! LET’S IMPOSE WESTERN SOCIETY ON MUSLIM WOMEN WHO LIVE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!!11” because, clearly, the western world is a goddamn feminist utopia–no rape, no pay inequalities, no domestic violence…ugh.

Also, last night I had a ridiculously creepy/scary dream that’s shaken me all day. I blame my hormones and The Man.

therefore, instead of looking at the Bad Place, I will try to feel better by making a list of ten things I like, in no particular order:
1. petting my kitty
3. “give in to mint” ice cream (Dove!)
4. Target (it’s so…pretty and designer-like and affordable)
5. fishnets
6. Daphne Rubin-Vega’s voice when she sings “Out Tonight”
7. costume jewelry
8. dying my hair
9. cooking
10. looking up stuff I need for college (a French memo board is *totally* necessary, damnit!)


4 03 2007

ugh, I’m having one of those days again. tired and faithless, cynical beyond all measure of a doubt. I blame reading radfem blogs (“transcritical”, eh?) and learning about sarah schulman’s beef with jonathan larson.

It never dies, does it?

20 01 2007

I got accepted to Ursinus College recently, and though I was sort of unsure about the amount of activism on campus, since that’s important to me, I was pretty excited when I got the acceptance letter. It’s really one of my safety schools, but other than it being fairly politically apathetic, I wouldn’t mind going there–it’s got a good psychology program, a beautiful campus (seriously, it should probably win an award or something), small class sizes, an art museum on campus (!), a really nice theatre, and they give good aid. Still, I had a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that there was a large percentage of white frat-boys on campus, and though for a liberal arts college, it has a decent POC population, I was afraid that there were some problems with racism at Ursinus.
My fears have been confirmed. I shouldn’t even be surprised. :/

winter doldrums.

8 01 2007

Sometimes I get really sick of this dominant culture I’ve been socialized into, and then I realize that I unknowingly/subconsciously (thankfully, now I’m becoming more conscious of it) support it. It’s frustrating, and I hate going into “white guilt” mode because that’s really nonproductive and basically white liberal wangst.

I feel stuck in this town of 6,000 people. I feel trapped, even though as an able-bodied, middle-class white woman, I have so many opportunities. I think it’s the “Bell Jar Syndrome” rearing its ugly head.
Also: I am sort of sick of hipsters, even though I dress like one and listen to hipster-indie music. I hate that uber-masculine vibe that scene has. Emo guys are fucking ridiculous.

In the future: expect a post about tragic villians. Seriously, I’m a lit/mythology geek.